Kill it

Rolling my eyes in the back of my head I think, “What did I sign myself up for?”


Thinking back to when I saw you at the bar, in that long red gown and gold pumps, your locs cascaded down your shoulders I couldn’t help but to mirror you and send that drink over.  A raspberry coconut punch, your reaction lead to our interaction.  The time at the bar led us to your hotel room and thinking you’d be another conquest, I was not prepared for your libido.

We drunkenly removed each other clothes and our shoes were by the door.  Your dress on the chair my jacket and tie nearby, my shirt on the desk, your bra dangling off the TV, my boxer briefs on the floor. Once I got you down to your panties, you did a brief twirl, pulled me close and said to rip them off! I complied as the material disappeared as well as the meek look in your eyes.  I saw you shift into a predator, yanking me down by my hips, demanding I lay down and open my mouth.


In this moment, I know I need figure out what the hell this woman’s plan is.


I give you a perplexed look until you flip me over and grind against my mouth, opening my lips I lick and suck whatever I could reach. I grip your hips, attempting to relocate them so I can breathe.  You peel my hands off you as you smother me.


“Good boys get all the air they want. Make me happy!” you growl.


I feel your nails wrap around my shaft. I moan beneath you.  Your strokes cause me to jerk and tremble.  You slide down my body until you’re hovering right above my member.


“Are you a good boy?” you question.  Opening my mouth to answer you stick two fingers inside my mouth, painfully slow.


Once I’m inside, you bring your mouth near my ear and tell me, “You’re going to fuck me slowly at my pace. If you attempt to speed up or buck your hips I’ll choke you with my fingers. Nod if you understand me.”


I nod.


“If you’re a good boy, I’ll reward you by allowing you to cum. Nod if you understand me.”
I nod again.


“Good. Now that we’re on the same page, rock your hips slowly and do exactly as I say,” you command.


Your pacing is slow and deliberate. As I try to speed up or go harder you choke me with your long digits.  Surprising myself by how much I love you choking, pinching and scratching me, you started to pick up momentum.


“That’s it! Don’t you fucking move! Stay right like this!” you shout.


My eyes are rolling like I’m on all of the drugs and moan loudly. Removing your wet fingers you grip my chest for balance.  I moan ‘I’m going to cum’ while you respond with a slap and quick “NO! YOU’RE NOT!” as you continue your pace. Writhing beneath you and whimpering for release, suddenly you hop off of my penis and soak my face. You’re vigorously fucking my face and rubbing your clit.  Covering my face and linens in your cum, ‘Thank you’ is all I say while drinking your cum.


“What a good boy you are” you say as you slide off me. “And good boys get to cum,” you sing as you wrap your fingers around my throbbing member.


Feeling like I’m going to explode at any moment as you continue stroking me, you request “You’re such a good boy, cum for me.”  I begin cumming in your hands as your stroking intensifies. Crying and cumming is a new experience for me.


“It’s okay, I’ve got you.  It’s going to be alright. The first time is always different,” you say as you pull me close to you.


Thanking you, I fall asleep in your arms.


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Horny in a useless way

NOTHING ruins the moment like a unexpected flair up of sexual energy unpleasant hardening of the male member.  The blood flow during a meeting is not opportune.  Leaving one scouring their phone book for a viable relief of pressure.    Each one comes with their own cost and BS… Having to evaluate my financial readiness on the fly in the middle of the week is never easy especially when your brain is acting like it’ll never have sex again. You pick a number and shoot off a message and hope to get a timely response.

Instead of a friendly response, you’re greeted with a diatribe that is both brutal and vicious. After you attempt to salvage this moment ya’ll agree on meeting after work on their lunch break for a quickly.  Excitement builds the rest of the day. Reminiscing on how you used to do, hitting random pivot while at work.  Stretching during lunch like you’re about to run a marathon.  At this point the blood has finally returned to your brain.  Thinking clearly you know it’s a bad idea, but waiting for another offer isn’t in the cards.

Pulling up you see their car & low key kick your heels.   Then you see it the car seat is full.  They brought their kid, walking up y’all start making out and you feel the blood descend.   Ya’ll are saying all the right thing to each other in this parking garage, pinning them to a column slipping your fingers down…the child screams breaking up the whole mood.  They sidestep you to their kid, cooing the whole time. Trying to recapture the mood you wrap your arms around their waist kissing their neck and grinding on them.  You’re met with a elbow to the mid section. The kid is just smiling at you like they know what you’re trying to do.

It rushes back to you how this kid is low key evil. 9/10 if y’all had a date scheduled something would be wrong with the kid. From crying while you Stream & Cream to throwing at you to fighting the babysitter.  They promise you a rain check as they stroke your lead like member. Asking you to hold the kid even commenting on how good you two look to together.  You and the kid both don’t see it for each other & you know what you both want is some fave time. This damn kid is all you think, waving goodbye.

Sitting in the parking garage, retrieving your phone you shoot two more messages to no response.  On the drive home you try not to imagine what could have been, if it wasn’t for that pesky kid.

– dreads


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I’m in a burn the world down kind of mood.  The head space that births violence purely for the sake of itself. Unable to find the causes of the situation, I am here now boiling over especially incensed by the unknown.  The cycles in my head tell me it’s my fault. The teaching is accountability to the max of the situation you’re in is completely your doing. With each action or inaction bringing you to this point.  I know that I need a release, a controlled blast of sorts and I have detonation ideas on a range of methods to let off steam ranging from self abuse to destructive behavior to mild hermit mode.  I’m bringing hermit mode back into effect. I just need a break, my current reality is draining me: Mentally/spiritually/financially/sexually/joy wise…

I’m so tired…tired of my job…my responsibilities…the grind…life

The solutions are there from new job to going numb. Pride is at play that’s for better or worse.  Time and desire will show the decision.

I want to burn down the world for warmth.  I’m cold and a you keep smiling with your warmth.  Your words freeze in my throat.  Cutting down everything for kindling and sparking over your cries warms me.  Seeing you hurt and cold helps me sleep next to your burning reality.


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movie and meal

Here’s the thing last night when you invited me out all you said was dinner and a movie.  I dressed simply for said event a striped polo, long jeans and fashionable boots.  I carry more than enough money for the nights meal and movie.  Meeting you out at the mall parking and spotting you in a similar get up.  I notice your fresh fade and wonder if I should have shaved.  Dabbing on a bit more oil I slide outta of my ride. We embrace, you hold me a little bit longer than usual, your hug made me hold you tighter whispering in your ear how I missed you.

We release and head inside you by the tickets and I the popcorn. We settle down in the back. Reclining in our seats you caress my thigh, we haven’t done this since you got married. I lay close to you enjoying your scent. You always smell so good like fresh wood and citrus. Closing my eyes, you rest in my arms as we watch Vin Diesel do what he does best and excite us.  You lay your head on my chest. Drifting off,  could have sworn you kissed my neck and massaged my thighs. Waking up to find you clawing for the popcorn propped between my legs.

Dozing off again, thinking of how this used to be a coded game for us. You’d set these dates and we’d go do anything to get you out of the house in those days it was different.  We were both trying to figure things out especially the limits of our friendship. You wanted to fool around and blame it on the drink while I wanted to make it official.  My hopes were dashed when you showed up with her.  That long hair, made up face and those dresses that accentuated her curves.  I got your message loud and clear, I was just the person you wanted in the dark.  I haven’t seen you since the service, I came as requested and stood where you wanted me.  I even assured you that you were making the right decision. You said “I do” as I looked on crying for what could have been.

Shaking me awake I’d missed the whole thing. You ask if I need to go home and rest or can I stay up long enough for a bite.  I playfully punch you in the chest and remind you that I can put you to bed any day of the week.  Walking out of the theater you caress my back and shoulder and admire my gains.  We walk across the parking lot the steakhouse just like the old days. Sitting down in our old booth the waitress comments on how long it’s been and that we shouldn’t be strangers.  The bartender brings our 1st round to us personally, you get a hug and a kiss on the cheek while I get a slap, kiss, lip bite and their new number written on a napkin.  Your dumbfounded looks cracks me up, do I have to remind you that I have game too.  Settling down to our meal of meats, veggies and alcohol.  You reminisce of the last time we came here 2 weeks before the ceremony.

We had just seen a commemorative show of “Love & Basketball”. You kept joking that I was going to challenge you to a game of 1 on 1.  I remember wanting to fight you in the parking lot, especially when you leaned in for a kiss after dinner. All you said was how good it is to see me and how much you’ve missed me.  Listening to you talk reminds me of everything.  I ask our waitress for the food to be wrapped up and for the bill.  You follow my lead, just like the old days. Heading outside to the summer night, wrapping your hands around me from behind you bite my lobe and ask if you can crash at my place.  She hates when you come home tipsy.  Breaking free I agree.

In the car you can’t keep your hands to yourself rubbing my thighs, kissing my palm, going as far to kiss me at a light. I would be lying if I didn’t enjoy the attention from you even if I know it’s fleeting and you’ll leave me hurt if I let you. Parking in my garage you climb into my lap kissing me with your full lips sucking my tongue.  I lose it when you beg me to fuck you so hard you forget her name. Complying we enter my home our clothes are ripped off in route to my bed where I throw you down and voraciously attack your sexual organ. Holding you down and in place no matter how much you cry and try to run away.  Only releasing you to let you taste yourself in my mouth.  shouting does she do it like me!

Grabbing a condom, flipping you onto your face I enter your eager hole and fuck the shit out of  you.  Taking out all of my pent up aggression on you.  Shouting you missed this dick! Flipping you on your back and slamming myself inside of you. I thought you’d hate this and would at least cry, instead you cheering me on telling me to fuck you like the bitch you are.  Passing out inside of you leaning on my dresser.

Now I’m here in my house listening to your wife scream about wanting to fight me.  How she never trusted our friendship and that she know you got fucked to sleep.  She says you called her last night and the phone on.  I hear you lying and denying.  What you don’t know is I called her from your phone, I want her to hear you scream my name as I beat it out the frame.  Throwing on some short and tank top, reminding you both that you don’t pay a single bill and need to leave before I call the police.  She’s cursing me out your dragging her out. Screaming how dare you do this to me? to you. Laughing so much for dinner and a movie as locking the door behind you two.

Your last glance back at me you mouthing you’ll see me soon.

Yeah I know you miss me & you don’t care about her.  Next time I’ll send her one of our videos. Lets see if she’ll keep you then.



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See you forgot who the fuck I AM. I’m not your friend or lover I’m the plague that life has unleashed upon you.  everything you did has led you here  from your 1st step as a baby to your last step to me. Don’t confuse me with the kind of person who will take it easy on you because you don’t fucking know me.

I’m still that same nigga who will throw a brick and show you my hands.  I’m older now, i’ll put the hammer down but will sure throw the law on you.  I finally got bail and lawyer money.  Try me I’m in a good place these days with the real bills and real chills

I’m with the shits & you can get it how you want it.  Call me burger king cause you can have it your way.  via these hands or these barbs. my mind is sharper than a pencil & I’m always writing

shout out to all of the idiots that try my resolve what they did was make me go harder. I appreciate all of the Opposition I think your sent by the Lord on high to make me better.




here is the thing you fools are stressing me out and these snaps, just might be my psyche or the loose grasp I’m maintaining on reality.  Here it goes, the more I snap the lower the chances of you having good day and I like having good days.

Until next time sports fans,


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laying in bed intertwined in us

you’re touching your sacred place, commenting on how good it feel

bringing your fingers to my lip for a sampling

I begin licking and sucking each digit

kissing your palm gently.

your taste mixing in my mouth

your coos sliding into moans

holding your hips

massaging your fingers with my tongue

enjoying your taste

– Dreads

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Hold up, did this just happen

Once upon a time a last second kiss could have had me twisted out and bent out of shape and then I started doing it myself.  You know that kiss you use to keep them wanting more. Aggressive and primal a touch of fun, it takes the form of a forehead kiss, a long make out at the edge of the door or a chin grabber.

Last night I was hit with a long make out at the edge of the door.  It was a rush of emotions followed by a smooth letdown of endorphins.  The buildup was high before the breathing exercises.  The resounding thought was “Hold up, did this just happen? I’ve been doing this for years kiddo”

A revelation has also occurred did the people I’ve done this to get a rush of nothingness…Was it out of the blue passion followed by darkness.  This whole wave has been just as hot and cold.  It is a chance to examine my style of play and to grow into a more mature participant.  What needs to stay and what needs to go.

I find our exchange to be funny and infuriating. That is a recipe for a supernova. It will be intense and it will be fun but it may not last forever.   Time will tell as we progress.

Hold up, did this just happen?

*Side note have you ever breathed through arousal. 10 deep breaths later you can take the edge off


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