Tears save lives

The rules I live by.

As a man 1st I can’t show any emotions outside of anger and rage. I can speak here on a page just not in my life. Life wise there are no tears allowed in my life.

I’m a man hard as stone outside & dead within. But here’s the thing, I have relationships where the stone is too hard to be around softer people. I’ll admit my emotions & I are strangers that in my life expression is dangerous. 

I’m armed for life. Armor of the emotional variety protect me from all other people. I’ve worn it longer than I’ve worn my glasses and I’ve had them all my life. My weapons are my words. I have a keen eye for seeing othere insecurity. My weapons can be found at the ends of my limbs 2fist & 2feet. I’ve used these after my words succeeded or failed. 

I’m a man before I’m anything else. Before black. Before pansexual. Before son, boyfriend, or friend. I have to exhibit power at all times especially among other men. It’s not a choice I made, but one that was made for me. Either you’re predator or prey, being both is the way to survive if you want to make it home alive. 

My manhood complicates my life in more ways than can be imagined if you’re on the outside looking in. These rules I live by may not make sense to you. Watch how I live & compare it to men you know then decide who has it right. 

Emotions are not embraced, I was taught as a boy that men don’t cry. The unless didn’t hit until death & broken bones did. No one said that suicide is normal for men like me. I learned over the years that holding in these tears can take years off my life. That they turn to stress and further into death. 

I’m a man death is the destination.  It’s determined to live brAve & die proud. Where I’m from men fuss, fight, kill & die. Because we were taught that how men behaved. Our fathers never showed up to show us, all that was left was what we see on TV or around the way. It’s hard to learn the life lessons from drug dealers or school teachers. 

My view is askew, especially where women are involved. Are they like my mother? Better or worse. How I treat women varies based on how I see Me with them. Sex hasn’t made anything better but can cloud the situation as far as emotions go. 

Emotions are break points in my armor. Points where exploitation has been a thing so I’m not real with people. It’s smoke & mirrors with reality sprinkled in. As a man I’m adjusting to this future world where I have to 

  1. catch up my emotions 
  2. Stop fighting 
  3. Grow to explore life outside of the aggressive world I came up in
  4. Treat partners. …

I’m a man no matter how complicated it is

-dreads

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