years lost

see I’ve had this job for over 10 years.

my resume reads “since my 1st work permit” but in truth since I was 3 I’ve toiled in this field. Across the board people are harder on me across the board.  I’m the heir the only 3rd generation to take a interest in our business.

My mom & uncle have been here and neither stayed but here I am plotting the days until it’s passed down to realize they’d rather burn it to the ground than pass it down.  Instead of building wealth my family would rather be rich.

I’m here and now wasting my talents on a job that doesn’t want or respect me.  I’m essentially a teacher at a worse high school.  My “bosses” only get involved when I want to make a move, other than that they’re doing anything else.

Everyday is a shift from bad to worse interaction, my lack of inaction has put me here.  I’m aware of the cost of my choice and the loss of my voice to this toxic environment that wears me down and over extends me.  The pays not great and the benefit is that I can go gray and still be some “kid”.  I log the longest hours for the lowest respect.

Every aspect I do learn on my own no one has taught me shit.  in the beginning it’s rough until i get it then I kill it. That’s my life, I struggle to make it that’s all I get no one cares if this kills me.  No one cares about the fights I break up or weigh in on.  The struggles are pointless and avoidable.

I’m tired of being belittled for sport. I used to love my job.  It starts at 5:15am and end at 2pm (supposedly) it’s not a good experience these days.  the kind of thing that make you question your sobriety & validity.  my company is dying and I know how to save it, but who will

a) Listen to me                                                                                                                       b) Save me

help is a fucking unreal expectation, all the personnel that was worth shit has left (quit or fired). I’m leading the walking dead (in spite of myself).  My job is horrible but I feel like I can’t leave.  Each day I sit at my junky desk and see the wasted work I know the clock is ticking on me here & here being a thing.  We’ve been open 47-49 years (i’m not sure).  I won’t be here in 3 years, it’s not going to be me.

I can’t start a family here.  We are not family here no matter how we started we’re not family here.

I need to start looking for the sake of my freedom & safety.  I’m a heir to a dying company.  A decaying kingdom.  My liege lord & lady would rather use their blades on me than let me take them up and lead.  I see how it is, at most turns I’m sabotaged and left in the wind.

How long until I abdicate my crown and break ground alone. How long will it take me to find a new lord to serve.  How long to find a place to wield my expertise for profit.

these wasted years have honed me & made me complacent.  I need a replacement for my skill set.  I need to leave. Be free or under better organized tyranny

-Dreads

 

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