Price

See there is these conversations I keep having involving my sex practices. I’m choosing to let feelings grow and progress to a place where sex makes sense. I find you desirable, I want to take it slow. Carnal desire has ruined so much. From poor impulse control to using sex to fill the place where conversations should have been. I’ve used sex to cope with stress long after I stopped counting to 10. I’ve used sex to manipulate others around me. I’ve tried to fill the emptiness inside me with sex. It didn’t work…

Now I’m trying to take it slow getting to know my partners. Learn more than the moves to achieve orgasm. To learn their name. I’ve had sex with so many people, I doubt I’d recognize them if they sat next to me.

Shifting through the shrapnel from bombs others have dropped on you. You see my response as another attack on your beauty and sexuality. It’s not the case with me. You’re beautiful to me. Sex would be beautiful in the best way on the best day.

I’m just not that guy anymore. I need to feed my soul like my loins. I want to feed you my essence not just my cum.

I know I’ve told you stories about him, the old me & the reckless way he lived. Did I tell you how empty I felt. How doing something so close I felt alone. Did I tell you that I had people I hugged to keep me grounded, probably not.

My lesson, I promise it took me years to learn. I need intimacy. I need truth. To really let sex be a thing we do together.

A thing we do together with each other. Not one taking from the other.

Consuming the wrong people’s energy or them consuming mine. Led to lost opportunities.

I don’t want to hurt you even as I hurt you. Honestly I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want you to hurt me.

Sex opens me up to give joy & get joy. Sex leaves me vulnerable.

Please don’t hurt me. I’ve been hurt before. I’m here now trying to stay safe.

I’m concerned about what I’ll do to you too.

If my price is too high, say the words & I’ll leave you be.

Know that it’ll hurt either way. Loving or not loving. I think I’m worth investment.

We can make something beautiful. Maybe sex is in the future or maybe we’re meant for something else

-dreads

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This entry was posted in rant, Romantic, Simple stuff, Snapshot, tell em I said it and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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